I Am A Badass In Fiction

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I’m finally sitting down and reading You Are A Badass, How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living An Awesome Life, by Jen Sincero. I can’t tell you how long this book has been on my shelf just waiting to be read. I just finished the chapter, “The Big Snooze,” and I realized that this is where I am! Right now. This is what I’m doing. This is what I’m experiencing.

The Gossip Leading To Discovery

So, for the past three years, I’ve been working at Day Job, and it’s been pretty great. I learned a lot about myself. I was allowed to do things I’d wanted to do for a long time and never had the courage to. I was originally hired as a receptionist to get me out of my home office. I quickly took on more work as I saw was needed.

Last Christmas, I broke. Things were stressful. I was doing the marketing to bring in the work and then handling the intake and management that came with it. If I paused on the marketing to manage the work, the work tapered off. If I paused on the management to focus on the marketing, our efficiency tapered off and work slowed because clients were unhappy.

That was the other reason I screamed at Drama Llama that fateful day. There was a lot going on.

I’ve Been Fighting My Whole Life To Write

The revelation I had while reading Jen’s book this morning was that I’d fought hard to be taken seriously in the electrical industry, but I’d been fighting equally hard to write. It’s something that hasn’t had a lot of value, mind you. I sacrifice sleep and time with family and friends to write. And when I can’t, things feel upside down and out of control.

So, when I sacrificed my writing for Day Job, things were wickedly out of balance. I had thought the greatest value I could give was to the electrical industry. It’s tangible. It’s valid. But it doesn’t fill me like writing does. When I sacrificed family time and friend time and sleep for Day Job, it added stress, and didn’t take it away. And then taking away the writing time, deleted energy I needed.

The part of me that has the greatest value is the one aspect that most people in my past took advantage of or reduced the value of.

So, here I am, trying to restart this company where I help people tell their stories, and I’m feeling imposter syndrome. There was someone in the business networking room the other day who knew how to do Facebook way better than me. There was someone sitting next to me who can do Instagram without having to complete that class I paid for and haven’t finished. My inside voices are all saying, “They’re more valuable than I am.”

I am great for others. I lack consistency for myself, likely because I struggle to see my own value.

But here’s the thing. My superhero self isn’t someone who’s mastered Facebook and Instagram. My superhero self is someone who hears and sees people and then shares their stories with others because their stories need to be heard. Their stories will inspire others to greatness.

The limiting beliefs I’ve been pounded with are that my writing is subpar and not worth the effort. It’ll never amount to anything.

In efforts to prove them wrong, I went away from the truest part of my writing—Dreamland—and wrote things that people would find value in. I wrote stories that would sell because that was the mark of success.

Jen Sincero said something in her book, You Are A Badass:

“The Big Snooze will do everything it can to stop you from changing and growing, especially since you’re attempting to obliterate the very identity that you and everyone else has come to know as ‘you.’”

Being the Badass

I really am good at what I do. I just need to focus on what I want to do and then master it. I’ve never given myself that chance. I’ve always fought to master this writing thing by doing a million others, meaning…

I’m good at a lot of stuff, but masterful at none.

So, I’m becoming truly masterful at something - writing. I think I’ve pushed passed the hurdles my BS (Big Snooze) ego-self has thrown at me. I think I’ve seen what it intended me to see.

It’s time to let my superhero self out. I’m prioritizing me. I’m not sacrificing my writing and my passion.

Jen Sincero is a fucking badass and her book inspires. If you’re stuck and wondering where you want to go, go read that freaking book. It’s amazing and you deserve it.